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NFL
Get out of your football hibernation: it’s NFL Draft time. It’s been almost three months since the Super Bowl and in that time a lot has happened: Michael Scott started his own paper company; Albert Haynesworth cashed in big-time; and a dastardly pirate attacked a highly respected American ship and ended up in a terrible place (I’m talking about T.O., of course). But now it’s the draft. I’ve heard surprisingly little about this draft – ESPN has only been running 22 hours of coverage a day and Mel Kiper, Jr.’s hair just hasn’t been as douchey as in the past. But the stories are there. Instead of a mock draft (I’m lazy), I’ll make good on a promise I made to some co-workers at lunch this week. Here is the list of probably first- or early-second rounders who will definitely be busts. I have no NFL analysis experience, but I bet that I can pick the busts as well as the “experts”. Check out these seven future winners of the “Joey Harrington Suckfest Award”:
1. Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU: Now he’s being touted as the third pick? Come on! He was a mid-first rounder at best just a couple weeks ago. Beware of defensive front seven “tweeners” – those prospects who play in between positions, such as linebacker and D-line, or 4-3 and 3-4 defenses. Oh, where will he play? He could play anywhere? Yeah, he’ll suck.
2. Robert Ayers, LB/DE/?, Tennessee: Hey, Vernon Gholston, I thought you got drafted last year. No? You made such an impact you wanted to come back and try again? Get out of here. (Also, see my somewhat more intellectual discussion on Tyson Jackson, which also applies here). Suck city.
3. Mark Sanchez, QB, USC: It’s a pretty weak QB class when the latest in the line of overrated USC QBs is a top-five pick. Matt Leinart? Well, at least he’s an NFC Champion as well as Hot-Tubber of the Year. John David Booty? Umm, what? Apparently, Cleveland wants Sanchez. Remember Brady Quinn’s pre-season starts when he had everyone in Cleveland drooling? Now they want to trade him? That franchise is more f’ed up than ever.
4. Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri, or Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland: One these two will go to Oakland, and he will suck. JaMarcus Russell was so amazingly overrated as the number one pick a few years back. Now, one of these two will go seventh overall! I’ll throw a few names out there: Reggie Williams? Troy Williamson? Mike Williams? Find me a good receiver from the last five or so drafts taken between picks 4 and 20 (Roy Williams doesn’t count cause the Lions kinda just spray it everywhere and are bound to get lucky once). Earth to Al Davis: the drop-off from top-tier receivers (Michael Crabtree, Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald) to second-tier receivers is enormous. But you’ll be back in the top seven next year, so you’ll get a redo (which you’ll promptly screw up. Moron.)
5. Andre Smith, OT, Alabama: Umm, this is a fatter Pacman Jones. With his history and his recent pre-draft shenanigans? Lots of OTs will go in the first round. Lots of doughnuts will go in the green room if this guy falls as far as he should.
6. Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi: Name one NFL star with the name “Peria”. Can’t do it? Well, in ten years, you still won’t be able to. Overrated.
7. Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State (if taken in first half of round 1): I root for Penn State, but not many of their players translate into big-time NFL producers. Especially along the D-line. Ok, the jury is still out on Tamba Hali, but history shows that Maybin shouldn’t be drafted too early. Late first-round, fine. But number eleven to Buffalo? C’mon, Bills. Since when do you bring in people with question marks surrounding them (oh, hi, T.O. Didn’t see you there.)
The only caveat is if any of these guys ends up being drafted in the first round by the Ravens (Maybin and Jerry have a shot at this). The Ravens draft preposterously well, so whoever they pick will at least be a legit producer. Otherwise: big thumbs down.
Enjoy the draft. But don’t go. I went one year, waited five hours for my Eagles to pick. Then they traded the pick to Dallas. I muttered a curse word and left. It could happen to you! Sleep in, thank me later.
Our featured bars:
The Shannon – featuring all the NFL action this year with several different specials.
BB&R – watch all the college football action this week and all year long at BB&R with $4 Domestics, $18 Pitchers, and $5 shots.
The Town Tavern – playing host to Philadelphia Eagles fans this year, as well as showing all the games they can. Town Tavern is home to the Florida Gators in NYC! Town Tavern is also showing all the NCAA Games.
Dukes –featuring their Football Saturdays and Sundays as well as Game Day specials.
Tonic East – Catch the Nittany Lions, Miami Hurricanes, Illinois, Gonzaga, and New York Giants as well as the rest of the games here.
Whistlin Dixie’s Texas Tavern – For all things Texas with Rice and Cougar Football, as well as Philadelphia Eagles.
2 for 1 beers & 2 for 1 appetizers for every game Only with reservations.
Failte Irish Whiskey Bar – Featuring Game Day Specials and Trivia Thursdays.
Rogue – Featuring Daily Specials. As well as the home for the Memphis Tigers.
The Mad Hatter - Featuring Arkansas football and basketball as well as futbol and rugby.
Dempsey's- Our home for Green Bay Packer games, Notre Dame Football, and the English Premier League.
Village Pourhouse Upper West - Our home for all the UFC and Boxing matches.
Dalton's Bar and Grill - Our home for the Washington Redskins
Remember to check out the site (www.findateambar.com) and let other fans as well as the bars know what you thought.
